Treading Water By Sara Bareilles

Pardon me, my mistake
Thought it my turn for a break
But since the rain loves my face
I’ll just let it be.

Long since gave up on long walks
To avoid the long talks
Lately the silence won’t stop
Talking at me

And I’m getting weary waiting for the harbor lights to change
I’ve forgotten what I do it for but I tread water just the same
I tread water
I tread water

Even tried my fair share
Thought the devil may care
But I called him up, he’s not there.
What does that mean?

And I’m getting weary waiting for the harbor lights to change
I’ve forgotten what I do it for but I tread water just the same
I tread water
I tread water

Thought this life would lead
Far from Beauty’s Beast
Well, I know at least
You can’t count me out
Because I’m used to the water now.

And I’m getting weary waiting for the harbor lights to change
I’ve forgotten what I do it for but I tread water just the same
Never let this pair of hands forget to pull their weight
This burden may be more than I would like to bear
but still it’s less than I can take
I tread water
I tread water

Love! Love will keep us together?

Ahhh the ever insane world of LOVE..in all its forms! - Everything is excusable in the name of Love...right?

NOT! at least not in my book! If someone makes you cry, if someone disregards you, if that someone at times prefers the company of "others" only to come back and claim regret, hurts you physically..lies, cheats and / or disregards you, dismisses you, - can this be called love?

Case #1

Girl will accept her "man" cheat on her and have kids elsewhere. Forget her birthday and stand her up so many times one cannot keep track of. Ends up in jail and now claims to love her over and over. "he loves me" she claims --- and "I will do anything for him cuz I'm in love" REALLLY!??

Case #2

A woman torn between two lovers..alas the girl's bisexual! or maybe even gay...but I digress. She has a "man" who sometimes provide$ for her - but goes missing in action and wont commit further than a few nights of sex at a time. She also has a stupid - oopps sorry I'm been biased - she has a g/f who forever wants to make her happy and she is! but "God how am I ever going to open those closet doors!?? " she asks...

Soo she opts to mess around with the guy and be anywhere visible to her family with him while sneaking to see the g/f who she continuously professes love to "regardless" but when the $hit hits the ground she then claims to love them both --- REALLLY!!!??

Case #3

Guy has long distance relationship, his "love" is continuously out and about been prowled by others on FB and My Space...He stays loyal and committed - She claims that they should be ok with each other going out with other people cuz - weelll "we cannot stay by ourselves for so long" - This, my friends is the typical and overused scenario of "I love you BUT" -- Love you say? REALLY!?

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic with insanely and impossibly realistic views...But shouldn't you be happy at least 60 % of the time? Shouldn't you be willing to do anything to make your other half happy and feel that in return? Shouldn't you look at each other across the room and be able to smile rather than disgruntle? Shouldn't it be that if you go out and meet someone new and interesting can only make you come home sooner to make sure your other half understands how much you care and love and lust after him or her instead of the new person?

Guess Im just a rare bird.

Reencarnation -- hardly proof but here it is!

For most of my life Ive had different musings about reincarnation...whether is true whether it explains the unexplainable...but last night i may have come across some sort of proof - even if a very personal and biased one.

Since I was little, I have a deep love for cars..unexplainable how I know things about muscle cars...and motorcycles....also unexplainable is how hurt I feel whenever I see a movie about Vietnam or any other war...but specifically 'Nam.

I Looove early 60's Rock and Roll...so a little part of me always thought that maaaaybe I was some sort of young soldier in the 60's, who left his love, motorcycle and/or muscle car behind and went to 'Nam unfortunately getting killed. Far fetched of course!

But last night I had such vivid dreams...actually so vivid they felt like memories -- I was reliving through deployment. Saw my hair being cut..my dog tags on my chest, my huge manly hands and feeling so strong that I could punch through a wall. I also felt pain..indescribable - like a break up or a loss. I made it to a plane, and made it to a strange place...in the dream I woke up in a midst of a chaos, heard planes, fire and saw a lot of people running back and forth in what seemed to be a medical tent - at night time.

I know that dreams are dreams, and that it is hardly a proof that reincarnation is indeed a possibility. I do have the feeling that my own thoughts of having a previous life, as described above, may not be so far fetched after all. Just cant prove it is all.

Dissapointments...

Dissapointments are inevitable. Over and over Ive taught myself not to have too many expectations of situations -- but mostly Ive learned, the hard way, not to have expectations of people.

Regretfully I failed my conviction and allowed to trust and hope and even dreamed. Now now Im smart enough to know better!! But in matters of emotions and the heart I remain at times, a fool..a hopeful...a dreaming idiot.

This weekend Im putting myself in check...regrouping my emotions and taking control of them.

Good Dawn everyone

As its the case with every producer for a morning show - youre responsible for all content...so its a MUST to be there before your talent comes in - way after theyre gone and God forbid news breaks or something happens in the community and you dont know about it!

My dear friends --- being a morning show producer means you have to grow ears and eyes where they cannot possibly grow!

This morning has been exceptionally hard to get out of bed at 3:50am - impossibly hard to concentrate and to top it all off the host is MIA!

oh btw its only 5:50a, yaaay me!

Writing's finally here! BEWARE

After much deliberance I finally went ahead and decided to write again...

I took my time with this decision - why you ask? why keep theses exhuberant chants and intellectual debauchery away from most mortals? ahhh my dear Watson the answer is quite simple: Time - for its lack of bendage and extension seems to escape me the most.

HOWEVER - I do pledge to somehow find 5 minutes for venting purposes...

As its meant as a venting and self mental preservation device - please do read at your own risk - I will offer no apologies for anything shared, mused, and viewed as objectionable as Im sure it will be.