Have you ever felt like you wish you could play Dr Frankenstein and mash people ?

For example: My reg news person always has an excuse for either being late, or for doing thrings wrong. I call things to her attention and its never a "youre right ill work on that" nope! there is always an excuse and it pisses me off to no end. However - shes aggressive, fast and on top of her game.

Her back up - each every time tells me Yes yes yes and im sorry 20 times if need be. Never an excuse! however shes slow and needs help. But if I could mush these two up it would be the most amazing news woman on earth!

Same applies to others like my friends...my wanna be friends, my "fans" - if somehow I was able to mash them up I would have friends that would be more in tune, more interested and not so aloof.

I have to admit that there is an unwritten and unspoken understanding that i like my privacy, my alone time but most of my friends have taken this to an extreme, and at times I wish they would celebrate a little my little life triumphs, just as the fans do, but without the overwhelming feeling that comes with them.



When in France - speak French! C'est la vie!

So they've gone on to change my little blogger thingee - and Ive kept now most of my posts private as im sure they will look too plain to read - and ultimately you my dear wanderer who happened to land here may not appreciate these plain words without some visual stimulation - LOL

Currently, some uncertainties have surfaced in my life that now have me questioning my future, my current goals and ultimately whether the last few years have been a bad investment. That last statement in itself its a heavy load, as a believer that we all forge our future and there is never a lesson lost - admitting it is in itself a huge deal.

I seek, crave, implore, demand balance in my life. An equal amount of love, nurturing to the amount of strength, sacrifice and push that i put out whether its into work, or a relationship whatever its nature.

My work relationship is currently on the rocks with continuous arguments, and a non satisfying feeling only matched by the overwhelming amount of responsibility and idiocy. Im dreading waking up in the morning so early to enable a person who is non appreciative and who in turn only demands more while doing less yet still managing to sound more like a caveman every day. The talent is running out and its obvious when pressured. Blinds are coming off and he's desperately looking for others to blame for his continued failure, which only comes from the lack of grey matter that is needed in order to multitask.
The constant attacks due to his fuck ups continuously remind me of my failed marriage as I experience the same exact feeling as I did then - cornered and looming for a way out.

Furthermore my love life has stalled - and I shiver at the thought that it may get worse, that in fact the steps backwards and this overall lack of focus, or satisfying achievement - or even a lack of a "goal" has me unstable, looking for ways to set things right, however the more I look the more frustrated and discouraged Ive become as it truly depends on other's views about the  role I  play  in their lives.

I hate to admit - im really lost - as the person that I manage to be become and still continue to grow into - right now there seems to be no clear path that would lead me in the direction of happiness...pride and self reassuring that is a daily nourishment to my somewhat secluded life.