Facts vs Feelings

Given that she was abandoned by her husband, left behind with a 6yr old surrounded by HIS family in a place far from public transportation with no money and just pure will to carry on, My mom is a no nonsense person - very FACTUAL. "Pan pan, vino vino" is one of her usual sayings...meaning this is what it is - dont look for any hidden meaning. FACTUAL, Black and White whatever you may call it but that's who my mom is.


For many many years Ive tried to be different from this "factual" upbringing; trying to see the grays, feeling more and thinking less, yet the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. I am my mother's child and whats has been drilled on to my psyche is to see situations, people and life in a "Is" or "ISNT" category.


However this same categorizing causes great pain, given that although one may factually analyze situations - the heart, emotions and other factors do get in the way, clouding views and resolutions. Indeed my dear reader, I find myself "clouded" when aming decisions about my emotions and my future.



Given that today I felt more torn than ever, I called my mom - mother of everything factual. I exposed facts..then emotions...then she asked many questions and there it was - all categorized for me - what was black. What was white. And what were the very disliked greys. She's an industrial sorter this lady! Lastly she asked me very pivotal questions: What are your needs, you wishes, and what do you need to get there and then it hit me. Ive been so stuck on getting what I want and what I think would make me happy that Ive forgotten to search for what I NEED. I havent allowed things to flow into my life because this fight to fit a stencil, pattern and mold hasnt allowed it.

She definitely had amazing perception of things. I felt protected, cared, nurtured and assured that my mom will always be that rock for me. She is by far the strongest, biggest and most important person in my life. I was so lucky to be chosen to be her baby!



Now I have a huge task..sort my emotions, values, desires and set forth goals for ME..for my future, though allowing a few stops to cry, mend and lick wounds. Must reincorpoate to my life the doctrine: "things are or they arent, nothing comes forced"

If anyone reads and feels Ive ever forced a situation, know please that I never intended it for the wrong reasons...I simply am looking to be loved, cared, nurtured, happy and offer all of this and myself in return.