The many daily tribulations keep me from you, but I think of you often, and of course many of the other things that I write , which remain on my computer under personal vigilance, should make it to you soon.
However priorities are priorities.
Right now mine is to get some order back in my life.
For 6 almost 7 years I did nothing but party it up...getting over a relationship and allowing myself to be young, to date, to be wild, to not care.
Now at 44 yrs old I keep looking for that stability that most find in their 30's but I was too fucked up in the head to even noticed no matter if it bit me in the ass. Then again...Cant think of anyone in those years that really would have fit the bill...then again! who knows! I was either high, drunk, or just having too much fun with some girl to notice the next one.
Professional or personal accomplishments pale in comparison on how much I wish to have someone to share my life with...it goes unnoticed...I could die tomorrow and I wouldnt have a legacy..no one to "survive" me.
Its odd...but it hit me about 5 years ago...I fell in the bath tub..and i hit myself in the head in the toilet...curtain down..half my body on the bathroom floor and my legs in the tub. I wouldn't be found for days fer sure...cuz as an experiment I didn't call anyone...about 4 days later the calls started. 4 days! I would be rotting!! and that's when my quest started.
Eulogies usually end with "survived by" - as it stands at this moment - I'm survived by my mom and that's a hard thought to process when I'm so much more or at least I am in my head!!
So lets just say I want to add " she's survived by her mom and her blog" lol smh.
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